


You Hold On And Let Go

by periwinklepromise



Series: Ladies of Marvel Bingo [21]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: CoWorkers to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Femslash, Femslash February 2021, Getting Together, Jane Foster POV, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Jane, Post-Thor (2011), Set during Avengers (2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29767326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periwinklepromise/pseuds/periwinklepromise
Summary: It is Maria Hill, not Coulson, who offers Jane the opportunity to work with SHIELD. There are someinterestingconsequences.LOMB square O3: Will They or Won't They?
Relationships: Clint Barton/Darcy Lewis (minor), Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis, Jane Foster/Maria Hill
Series: Ladies of Marvel Bingo [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1493678
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: Ladies of Marvel Bingo 2020, Tony Stark Bingo Mark IV





	You Hold On And Let Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RenLuthor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenLuthor/gifts).



> Many months ago, RenLuthor requested a Jane/Maria fic, and I got so excited to have my first fic request that it took me months to write it. (Though to be fair, starting grad school didn't help.) I hope you like it!
> 
> I decided to take full advantage of the situation, so I've been putting in extra work in order to publish it for Femslash February. I barely made it, lol. I'm using it for two bingos as well, Ladies of Marvel round 2 and Tony Stark Bingo Mark IV, info below!
> 
> Name of Piece: You Hold On And Let Go  
> Card Number: 4053  
> Name of Participant: periwinklepromise  
> Square Number: A3 - Free Space  
> Rating: Teen  
> Pairing: Jane Foster/Maria Hill  
> Warning: None  
> Summary: It is Maria Hill, not Coulson, who offers Jane the opportunity to work with SHIELD. There are some _interesting_ consequences.

“Doctor Foster, thank you for coming.”

“Yeah, I almost didn't. I mean, because the check-in took so long, I thought I was gonna be late.” Jane swiped her hands down the front of her jeans. She had thought about wearing something formal, but she was nervous enough without trying to walk in heels or worse, a skirt.

“This process should be much more efficient the next time you enter the building.”

“Why would there be a next time?”

“That does depend on you. Would you like to have a seat?”

Jane sat down, but she knew Director Hill saw the way she glanced at the door.

“I should begin by formally apologizing for the temporary acquisition of your research materials last week. It would be far more efficient for SHIELD to bring you on as a specialist than steal from you every time you discover something significant. You are, after all, the only expert on this. Such an arrangement would be mutually beneficial -”

“Why should I accept this deal instead of just protecting my stuff better?” she challenged.

“To be frank with you, Doctor Foster, you would have to try very hard indeed to secure your laboratory from us. And I can give you two million reasons to accept.”

“Two – two _million_?”

“To start.”

Two million dollars. With that amount of money … she could … she could do _anything_. And if this was SHIELD's idea of an opening offer, she could only imagine how much they would offer if she produced something they found useful.

“No grant applications. No deadlines. No justifications or presentations. Just your work.”

“I ...” If Erik were here, he would tell her to be careful. To not trust these people. “I'll need that in writing.”

“Of course.” Director Hill slid a portfolio across her desk, like she already knew Jane would say yes.

_Typical_.

Jane donated money to help Puente Antiguo rebuild and bought outright the space she'd been renting there. SHIELD had insisted on giving her laboratory space in one of their facilities as well. She toured it once, but she didn't want to have bureaucrats or assassins or whatever else SHIELD had as employees breathing down her neck. And she liked Puente Antiguo, the way she could actually see the sky. It looked different to her now. She _knew_ more now, the worlds with beings so brilliant they had been worshipped as gods. She knew Thor was out there somewhere, and that he would be back.

Erik didn't believe her, said Thor was gone for good, and she knew he thought her belief was infatuation, or lust like Darcy harbored. But he was always thinking her ideas weren't grounded in science just because she also had faith. Her wanting to explain the world made her a scientist, not a disbelief in phenomena she did not yet understand.

She studied the branding in the desert left from the … Bifrost, Thor had called it. There was a distinct pattern, the sort of intertwining Jane associated with Celtic knots.

That autumn, Erik asked for her help with something. He refused to say exactly what it was, just something about energy development, which wasn't really her field, but then, neither was storm-chasing and she'd done that before. So she moved to the New York laboratory.

It was well-maintained. Somebody clearly kept it clean and well-stocked, so the transition was completed easily enough. She missed the sky, missed the stars, but Erik showed her an artifact she couldn't begin to explain, and that was enough for her to stay.

It was a cube, glowing bright blue like the Stark arc reactor, with no apparent inner workings, and no clear applications. So Erik had been eliminating applications whenever possible, but it certainly functioned as an energy source – electricity, machinery, even some of their specialized equipment could be run without any other power source.

She had other projects, of course. Director Hill had stopped in and asked if she could look into a phasing technology for camouflaging applications, and Jane was no mechanic, but she looked at the specs and approved of them. They were based on Stark's work, from what she could tell.

But the best thing for Jane was that she could still wear whatever she wanted. No horrible suits for her. She strolled into SHIELD headquarters wearing her warm flannels, comfy jeans she bought in the men's department for the better pockets, sturdy work boots, with a hair-tie around her wrist just in case. Some of the people she saw regularly wore suits like that horrible Agent Coulson who stole her work, others wore the black jumpsuits Director Hill always wore – Maria, she could call her. Since Jane wasn't really in the SHIELD hierarchy, she'd been told she didn't have to use titles all the time.

But in those tight jumpsuits and the fancy headsets, she wasn't really a Maria. She was definitely Director Hill.

Darcy came to visit from Culver over her fall break, so Jane got her a guest pass to see the new laboratory and showed her around the not-super-classified areas.

They were passing one of SHIELD's gyms when Jane nearly swallowed her tongue. Director – Maria – she wasn't in a black jumpsuit anymore, the one Jane associated with the cruel people who stole her life's work – she was – she looked _good_. She wore sweatpants cut off past the knees, a tight sports bra, and a baggy tank top stuck to her back with sweat. Her hair was pulled back but strays framed her face. It shouldn't have looked good, Jane knew that. Jane was already judging herself for liking it.

She was helpless to stop.

She gave a slow nod at Maria and the redheaded woman with her that Jane hadn't seen before. Whoever she was, she was nice. Introduced herself to Darcy. Jane missed the name, too busy trying not to stare.

In the end, they had to walk away first. Jane watched them go, and only snapped out of it when Darcy smacked her face. Jane smacked her right back, and then they continued on Darcy's introductory tour.

Of course, after that little run-in at the gym, Darcy wouldn't let it go. Jane found Darcy's stubbornness and attention to detail useful in her research; it was less helpful in her personal life.

“I'm telling you, you should ask her out.”

“I am not going to ask her out.”

“She's into you.”

Jane sighed. Maybe it would have been better to keep Darcy away from this place. But Darcy had helped make the discoveries that got her this opportunity, and it had only seemed fair to include Darcy. Now she just wanted Darcy to drop the subject. “Who are you texting?” she asked, trying to sound casual.

“Oh, it's Clint.”

Jane didn't recall Darcy mentioning him during her internship. “Did you meet him in class?”

“No, I met him here.”

Jane turned fully in her chair. She'd been reviewing some notes on her own projects to take a break from the cube while Darcy was here, but this was more important. “Here as in New York?” she asked hopefully.

“Here as in here. SHIELD.”

“Please tell me he's just thanking you for holding a door open.”

“He is not,” Darcy responded as primly as she knew how. “He's asking me to dinner. Gonna run, see you tomorrow.” She stood and went to the door, but Jane followed, stopping her in the doorway.

“This is SHIELD, Darcy,” she hissed. “How well do you really know him? He – he could be a _killer_ or something.”

“With those arms? Probably.”

“You're going -” Jane stopped and bit back the little panicky feeling rising up inside of her. “You have your taser, right? Promise me you'll use your taser if you need it.”

“Of course, I have my taser.” Darcy rolled her eyes. “I took down a god with this thing, no way I'm going without it.”

Jane nodded, still feeling a little jittery. “Okay. Okay, that's good. Be safe.”

Darcy hugged her goodbye. “Stop worrying, I'll be fine!” she called as she walked down the hall.

Jane watched her leave, still worried. He wouldn't try anything, of course. She wouldn't work with SHIELD if she thought they were the bad guys, but that didn't mean she completely trusted them either. She turned back to her lab, catching a person in her peripheral vision. Director Hill. She must have seen some of that. Well, that was a little embarrassing. Jane gave a self-deprecating eye roll and shrug, and then she got back to work.

At the end of the week, Darcy went back to Culver, but Jane received regular updates about her “it's nothing serious” relationship with Clint the Could-Be Killer.

Then the dreaded moment came – a performance evaluation.

Not that Director Hill called it a performance evaluation. She made it sound very casual, just dinner, but Jane could read between the lines. So she agreed easily but not too eagerly, and dressed in a way similar to their first meeting – her best dark jeans, her favorite blue flannel, and a smart blazer over it to make sure she was still recognizably professional.

The director offered to pick her up for dinner, but Jane assured her she could make her own way there. It was a simple sit-down restaurant, decorated with red linens and lit candles, serving good food that Jane was capable of pronouncing. Director Hill had a glass of wine, and offered one to her as well, but Jane wasn't about to start drinking on the job.

“No, thank you, Director, water will be fine,” Jane said with a smile. If it was a bit too tight, then that was her business.

Director Hill's smile was tight too. “Maria, please.”

It was an odd thing to insist on during a work-related dinner, but then, Maria had always been a bit more lax with Jane. It was intentional, probably a concerted effort to keep Jane more comfortable.

“Maria,” Jane accepted the correction. “This is a nice restaurant, do you eat here often?” Jane didn't eat at many New York establishments, and she was curious. Was that a professional thing to ask? Then again, Maria wasn't dressed very professionally, in a nice blouse and a leather jacket that looked smooth as butter. She even had her hair down in gentle waves. She looked more like Maria than Director Hill as Jane had ever seen her.

“Not as often as I'd like. I keep pretty busy.”

“Oh, of course.” That was foolish. It was strange, how these nerves of hers felt related to both professional and … personal pursuits. It was silly to think of this as a romantic environment, Jane told herself, but it did seem odd that Maria hadn't brought any paperwork along. It was confusing the boundaries in Jane's mind.

“What have you been up to?” Maria asked.

Jane relaxed. _This_ was what she had prepared for. Without naming any obviously classified details, she informed Maria of their work on the Tesseract – she and Selvig had confirmed that it did indeed have four dimensions – and some of her other projects as well, that she hadn't abandoned while being in New York.

“You are very dedicated to your work,” Maria said after a moment, which should put Jane at ease, but there was an edge to the director's voice.

“Of course, yeah, that's why you brought me on. Putting your money to good use, don't you worry,” Jane assured her. Maybe she was babbling a bit, but then again, she hadn't thought these evaluations would be a part of her work with SHIELD. “Besides, you're very dedicated yourself. I don't think anyone in … our office,” she amended, with a quick glance around, “works normal hours.”

Throughout the night, Maria kept trying to bring up more personal matters, but Jane knew better than to fall for that; it was never wise to divulge too much personal information to one's boss, especially if said boss worked for a clandestine agency that didn't seem to fit into the normal federal hierarchy. She might do some research for them, but she wasn't going to give them any _intelligence_ she didn't have to.

Maria walked her to the hotel SHIELD had arranged for her, though Jane said she didn't have to. Maria even went so far as to shake her hand good night, and Jane dreamed for a moment that Maria's hand lingered.

Once she locked her door back, she shook her head. Somehow, that still felt strangely like a date. Darcy's yapping about Maria must have gotten to her.

She got a call on her work phone, answering it with a sinking feeling of dread. It was late. They didn't normally call so late.

“Doctor Foster.”

“Director Hill,” Jane said with some surprise. She hadn't heard from the director after leaving New York. She had never heard anything from her evaluation, but she decided that she was going to take that as a good sign. “Is something wrong?” she asked with some suspicion.

“We need your help.”

Jane sat up, clicking on her bedside lamp. “Where's Selvig?” He'd stayed in New York, of course, continuing his research into the Tesseract, but it wasn't Jane's specialty. Really, it wasn't anyone's specialty. For all they knew, it was an alien artifact.

“He's … been compromised.”

Jane's heart fell through the floor. Erik Selvig was a friend, a mentor, and whatever put hesitation in Director Hill's voice made Jane exceedingly nervous. It was bad, whatever it was, it was bad. “Of course I'll come. Oh my, oh hell, I need a plane, can you send a plane? A jet? Something fast? I'm in Puente Antiguo.”

“Breathe, Doctor Foster,” Director Hill reminded her. “You do not have to come, if you so choose. Agent Coulson thinks we should send you to Tromso, to keep you safe.”

That made her even more nervous. “Safe from _what_?”

“The person who's compromised Selvig, and stolen the Tesseract. It's someone you are tangentially familiar with, I am told. Loki of Asgard.”

Loki. Was Thor-? No. Jane breathed deeply, knowing that she did not have time to panic. SHIELD had practice with this sort of thing now, they had policies. Someone else could handle Asgard, she would focus on the fact that the Tesseract had been stolen. Everything would be okay, and she would do her part to make sure of it. “I'm coming in.”

SHIELD's jet set down within two hours, and she was in New York faster than she would have thought possible. Being involved in a clandestine agency had its advantages.

“What do we know?” Jane asked as she rushed in to the laboratory, already pulling up her hair into a ponytail. Director Hill had made the call, but Director Hill wasn't here, and- she couldn't think about that right now.

“Doctor Banner is on his way in,” someone responded, she couldn't tell who.

It wasn't an answer she'd prepared for, but it was a start. “Bruce Banner? Good, good, the gamma radiation, should have known, why didn't we bring him in sooner, we should have brought him in sooner.” She moved on to rolling up her sleeves; she couldn't afford to have any distractions.

“He wouldn't come before now.”

Jane stilled for a moment. “Okay, yeah, that makes sense.” Erik had told her about what happened; Doctor Banner was no friend of SHIELD. SHIELD insisted that Doctor Banner was safe and alive, but she knew plenty of people had reason to be wary.

Someone shoved a tablet at her, and she started swiping through their latest research. “When will Doctor Banner be here?”

“He's in route to the helicarrier; you'll stay here on the ground and coordinate efforts with him.”

She didn't know what the helicarrier was, but she was plenty happy to stay on the ground, opposed to … whatever else.

She started reading. She had a _lot_ to catch up on.

“Why does Loki need iridium?” she asked the room.

“We don't know yet,” someone informed her.

“We need to find out before they use it,” someone else chimed in.

She nodded. There were so many unknowns, and they were going to be here for a while. “Does SHIELD allow pizza to be delivered? We're gonna need it.”

Someone stood and stretched, offering, “I'll look into it.”

She kept reading, speaking as thoughts occurred to her. Someone else was responsible for sending their ideas to the helicarrier for Doctor Banner to consider.

A SHIELD scientist reported in, “Doctor Stark is involved now. He and Doctor Banner have determined that iridium is being used as a stabilizing agent. Once they get a portal open, it will stay open.”

“The Coulomb barrier would still be problematic, wouldn't it?” she posited.

“Unless he can find another way to handle the quantum tunneling effect.”

“What would he need for that?”

They started hypothesizing right away. Trying to get one step ahead of a demigod from a magical realm was difficult enough, and they were already so far behind. They had to catch back up.

… And then their research didn't matter. Oh, it could have still been useful, but New York was under attack, and the news … there was a portal into space, aliens streaming out of it, not ones like Thor and Loki who looked human enough though they had powers beyond Earth's understanding but … _alien_ aliens with exoskeletons of some kind, terrifying energy weapons, and no concern for the rules of war. They were destroying everything. Killing everyone. There wasn't any time to evacuate the city, but SHIELD forced the scientists to go to the bunkers for safety.

Jane wasn't sure what good it would do.

But someone on the news caught a glimpse of a man with a red cape shooting past, it had to be Thor, there had to be hope.

There _had_ to be.

… And then it was over. Doctor Stark as Iron Man had flown a nuclear missile into the portal, and the other Avengers had closed it.

Death and destruction everywhere. So many lives lost. But at least they were alive.

The helicarrier crew landed and joined them at SHIELD headquarters. There was so much to be done, so many people to direct, but Jane had her mind on just one thing. Just one person.

Maria wasn't on the list of deaths, but she wasn't in the medical wing either, and Jane worried that she had died but hadn't been found yet until it occurred to her to check the woman's office and saw the light on.

“Oh my – are you okay,” she squeaked, hurrying forward and barely remembering to not touch the blood on Maria's face.

“It's superficial,” Maria assured her, clasping her hands.

“You're alive.”

There was a heavy look in Maria's eyes. “I was lucky.”

“I... My condolences for your losses. I heard about the attack on the helicarrier. I'm sorry, I'm sure you had many friends aboard.”

Maria nodded.

Jane realized they were still holding hands. She couldn't bear to pull her hands away. She couldn't bear to look away.

Maybe Maria moved first, maybe it was Jane, but when their lips met she couldn't bear to stop. There was blood on Maria's face, there were cuts all along Maria's skin, and Jane had been wearing this outfit for the last two days straight, and this office was not exactly comfortable, but she didn't care, they didn't care. Maria was here, she was alive, and Jane needed to _feel_ alive.

And Maria, she was warm and overwhelming, and she made flames race down Jane's body and pool thick and heavy, and when they lay sprawled halfway off Maria's desk, wrung out and panting, Jane felt sore and satisfied.

“Something more,” Jane laughed. “Something more than anyone can handle, maybe.” A few months ago, she would have said a group like the Avengers wasn't necessary. The Battle of New York put a new perspective on … everything. Far more than her interactions with Thor. They were not alone in the universe … and some of those inhabitants were not friendly.

But they could prepare. She would do all she could to make sure Earth was ready.

Maria smiled softly. She was always softer when they slept over at her apartment; she felt more comfortable in her own home than at Jane's. “You could be a part of it. SHIELD is creating a list of consultants.” She said it casually, with enough weight that Jane knew she was serious.

“Yeah, right,” Jane scoffed. “I'd get into a fist fight with Doctor Stark within two minutes.”

Maria nodded. “Stark gets into a lot of fist fights. I think the only one he hasn't fought is Banner.”

“Banner's an Avenger too?”

Maria confirmed the roster.

Jane supposed Maria was allowed to, since Jane was being offered a position to work alongside the team. She hummed thoughtfully. Then, because she could, she kissed Maria with a smile and a tease.

“I'll think about it.”


End file.
